Dealing With Difficult Parents

Call them "challenging," "hard-to-handle," or "difficult"—regardless of the term used, there will always be parents who seem more like obstacles than partners. Difficult situations are inevitable, simply because it is impossible to make everyone happy all of the time. There are many ways to characterize difficult parents. For example, they can be negative or critical individuals who seem to have an axe to grind with the school; they can appear to be apathetic individuals who have little interest in what their child does at school; or they can be chronic complainers who seem impossible to please (Boutte, Keepler, Tyler, & Terry, 1992). While difficult parents can pose challenges for school staff, by keeping the focus on the student, disparate personalities can usually arrive at mutually agreeable solutions. When considering how to bolster parent involvement, schools need to provide staff with strategies for dealing with difficult parents.

The list below provides some suggestions:

• Approach difficult situations with an attitude of respect and a willingness to listen; remember that you and the parent have at least one thing in common—the desire for his or her child to succeed (Rich, 1995; Boutte, et al., 1992; Smith, 1997).
• Address specific complaints with ideas about what you and the parent can do together to find a solution (Rich, 1995).
• Exercise empathy—always take some time to walk in the parent's shoes and try to gain an understanding of his or her perspective (Rich, 1995).
• Express an attitude that is pleasant, not defensive or negative (Smith, 1997).
• Keep tense conversations focused on the child by saying throughout the conversation, "I care about your child." This will not only soften a difficult parent's attitude, but it will also prevent the teacher from feeling persecuted (Rich, 1995).
• Stand firmly by school policies, but admit mistakes when appropriate. Parents will respect teachers for being honest, consistent, and contrite (Smith, 1997).

Remember that every parent will not be won. Although it is important to do everything possible to maintain a positive working relationship with all parents and volunteers, the bottom line is that some will regard the school with animosity despite any actions taken by educators. In addition, personality conflicts can occur between even the best teachers and the most willing parents. This is human nature, and no amount of diplomacy can fix some situations.

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