Addressing Bullying One-On-One: What Parents, Teachers, and Counselors Can Do

Keeping in mind that most incidents of bullying go unnoticed by adults, parents and educators may need to take an active role in identifying bullying behavior and working with students to address it. Although there is no substitute for a schoolwide program, there are some specific things that parents and educators can do to help students one-on-one as problems with bullying arise.

Probably the most important thing adults can do is to listen (NRCSS, 1999). Too often, children and young adults are told to “toughen up” or “ignore it” when they attempt to talk about bullying encounters at school. This kind of response makes students who are already socially isolated feel even more alone and helpless to prevent the harassment. It also sends the message that bullying is not taken seriously, and may even be their fault (USDOE, 1998).

Described below are a number of strategies available to adults concerned about bullying behavior. Some tips are more appropriate to classroom teachers, while some may be more applicable to parents, counselors, or other school staff.

• Initiate conversations with students about bullying.
Don’t wait for them to bring it up, or assume that because you haven’t heard about it, that it’s not happening. The vast majority of bullying behavior is never detected by adults, and many students are either too embarrassed or scared to talk about it. Conversations about specific bullying incidents may be held with individual students in private, or the subject can be dealt with more generally in whole-class discussions (Fried & Fried, 1996).

• Be prepared to intervene.
If you observe that a student is being bullied, step in immediately (USDOE, 1998). In situations in which bullying incidents are reported to you, you may want to work with the victim first to determine the best way to get involved.

• Don’t expect students to solve things themselves.
Peer mediation does not work in bullying situations and should be avoided. According to the U.S. Department of Education, the “difference in power between bullies and victims may cause victims to feel further victimized by the process or believe that they are somehow at fault“ (USDOE, 1998, p. 7).

• Encourage students to report incidents of bullying.
Especially with younger students, discuss the difference between simply telling on someone and stepping in to help another person (Fried & Fried, 1996; Kreidler, 1996).

• Express strong disapproval of bullying when it occurs or comes up in conversation.
Be sure students know that you don’t condone any kind of harassment or mistreatment of others, whether it be teasing, social exclusion, or physical violence (Kreidler, 1996). As much as possible, reassure students that your classroom is a safe and supportive place (USDOE, 1998).

• Work with students on developing assertiveness and conflict resolution skills.
This is an important step in helping both students who are victimized and students who witness bullying learn ways to diffuse the situation. Adults should avoid teaching children to fight back, however, or to respond to violence in kind (USDOE, 1998). Fighting back only escalates the problem and reinforces the belief that weaker and noncombative students somehow deserve to be bullied.

• Focus on developing empathy and respect for others.
Create opportunities for students to learn to work together, such as assignments that require sharing and collaboration (Hoover & Oliver, 1996; Rigby, 1995). Praise students, especially those who tend to bully others, for acts of kindness and respect (Kreidler, 1996; USDOE, 1998). Although focusing on empathy alone is unlikely to lead to significant change, it demonstrates to students that everyone is valued and respected in your classroom.

• Avoid physical forms of discipline, such as spanking.
Hitting children when they misbehave simply reinforces the belief that “might makes right” and that violence and intimidation are appropriate ways to get what you want (Fried & Fried, 1996). Whenever possible, model nonviolent means of resolving conflicts.

• Keep a log of bullying incidents.
Record all incidents of bullying, including who was involved, where it occurred, how often, and what strategies you used to address it (Kreidler, 1996). Over time, the log will allow you to identify any patterns in bullying behavior, as well as what kinds of interventions worked best to stop it.

• Deal with bullying incidents consistently, in a manner appropriate to the situation.
If your school does not already have a policy in place for dealing with bullying, write a policy specific to your classroom (Hoover & Oliver, 1996; Kreidler, 1996). In general, discipline policies concerning bullying should include an immediate response to the behavior, follow-up, and feedback (USDOE, 1998). Depending on the severity of the bullying, sanctions such as suspension may be appropriate (Rigby, 1995). Remember that you may not be able to monitor students’ progress very easily, as most bullying occurs outside the view of teachers, parents, and other adults.